Wonder Woman’s Six Scripts

Condensed into one final script.

Using Post Its.

I’m speculating and will probably come up with even worse treatments.

It will feature equal parts forced romcom, awkward political thriller, slow motion and possible wink and nod to how truly awkward it is to shovel 75 years of history into a two hour story.

Opening scene is Diana Prince, love and romance expert, writing a Sex in The City style article for the Daily Planet’s digital edition. She’s average looking. Brown hair pulled into a bun, green eyes, fair skin, a bought off the rack power suit. Has a framed picture of her cat. They want to downplay how good she really is.

Lois Lane is more desirable than she is.

Basically, she’s a swipe to the left on Tinder.

The plot will have to be something fun flirty and slightly dangerous because she will have to have a romantic foil or some kind of reoccurring running gag about her appearance or something that will be vaguely hinted at. Like a less sexy Mr. And Mrs. Smith despite the spandex. They’ll make it so that she’s undateable because she’s strong but someone who’ll run to her rescue is man enough for her. It will be left out that she is a demigod on par with Hercules, that her mother is Queen of the Amazons and her father is Zeus. Or Ares. The audience will pretend that that back story isn’t the same as Xena’s but quietly lament the fact just the same.

No big deal

Some semblance of a spy story, maybe referencing the hot mess that was Batman V Superman: Pectoral Wars where a flashback will remind audiences that Diana/Wonder Woman was even in the damn thing in the first place. Probably the only good part of the entire movie. Explosions, heroic poses, this outfit.

but we’ll probably won’t even get a good explanation for this at all

In covering up, explaining, protecting Superman and Batman (theoretically, Diana’s investigative skills unearthed everything about the super bros in the movie) she’s unearthed a much bigger problem with Lex Luthor, evil evil evil etc something something generic enough to be engaging. The romantic foil will keep reminding Diana she hadn’t fed her cat while they’re in the middle of a daring escape in the invisible jet, which, because it needs to max out the budget, will be visible and have a striking resemblance to the X-Men’s Blackbird but only by like total coincidence.

thank God Bruce had Wonder Dog on standby though

By Act 3, we’ll have to set up that Aquaman is also a Justice Leaguer and is Jason Momoa.

Bless

The solution will be simple and she’ll tell chiseled, unnamed romantic foil that her destiny is with doing daring deeds, feeding her cat and yada yada yada.

The End.

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