I get it now

Agents of SHEILD: How Bobbi Morse Made Me Feel Bad Wonder Woman Tanked

Super spies, am I right?

Tuesday’s episode of ABC’s Agents of SHIELD titled “A Hen In The Wolfhouse” introduced fans to a classic Marvel character Bobbi Morse, codename Mockingbird, as a double agent working for Hydra. Clad in what can best be described as the most stylish long coat with way too many buttons, perfect hair and permanent death glare, Bobbi is brought in to suss out the mole in Hydra’s office cubicles.

Popped collars are so badass

Not to point out anything the teaser hasn’t shown, everyone know’s it’s Agent Simmons.

In the last act, Bobbi stages a daring Black Widow in IronMan 2 hallway beatdown before…well, I’m not giving everything away.

Actress Adrianne Palicki is Bobbi (just Bobbi because we’re friends now) seems to have been building herself up for this part and for good reason; back in 2011 she had been cast as Diana Prince in the cringeworthy David E. Kelley produced Wonder Woman pilot. At that point, she seemed wrong for the part, awkward even, lacking the poise and potential to be the iconic Amazon despite serious training, working the hell out of whatever that outfit was and being all around dorktacular. After scathing reviews the pilot was passed on by NBC. The pilot has since surfaced online and if you can endure the commentary, is up for your viewing curiosity.

After the dust settled, it turned out that everything you could do wrong for a character was done to TV Diana.

I mean she needs the leather jacket but other than that I’m sold.

Following the pilot, Palicki was appeared in the Red Dawn (featuring Thor himself Chris Helmsworth) reboot and cast as Lady Jayne in G.I Joe: Retaliation holding her own alongside The Rock, Bruce Willis and other dudes who were dudes in the movie. She’s also in the upcoming Keanu Reeves movie John Wick as attractive leather jacket wearing woman with a sneer and a gun (I have a type).

 In the time it took for Palicki to recover from the Wonder Woman misstep, DC has since rolled out a new Wonder Woman in Gal Gadot as well as announced a hold date for her stand alone movie in 2017, effectively pretending that none of that ever happened. Watching her tonight as Bobbi made me think about how big a missed opportunity is was with the Wonder Woman TV series, especially considering her overall look now versus a few years ago. Perhaps it was the roles that followed that really groomed Adrianne and that’s why she looks and feels so right as Mockingbird; much like her character she had to get her ass kicked around a bit to really become the superhero she was meant to be. While this is the first in a few episodes for Bobbi, she already feels right with the team and that’s a miss for the DC camp because it means that Adrianne could very well appear in any one of the Marvel film franchises from Avengers 3, Captain America 3 or give Scarlett Johannson a playmate in a Black Widow film estimated for 2016. Essentially, DC bungled their chance to beat Marvel with their TV format with  Wonder Woman by treating it as a novelty rather than a launching point for an iconic character.

Rather than making Diana the CEO of some cosmetics company, the series would’ve worked as a spy thriller in the same vein as Agents of Shield. Wonder Woman as a series should’ve been approached the way I always imagined the Black Widow movie; have something that needs to be taken care of quietly and efficiently? Send in the demigod Diana. Cloak and dagger, paranormal and up to the hilt with Greek mythology Diana is the only now who can handle all of that and still somehow maintain her luxurious hair. Think The X-Files meets Buffy with a little bit of Lost Girl thrown in for flavoring. Everyone she works with knows she’s lethal, they just don’t talk about it. She’s got a messy, will take seasons to figure out it’s so messy backstory (mother Hippolyta, father Zeus, Christmas is a nightmare) and a loyal bestie in Wonder Girl. See!? IT WORKS. You’d watch it.

The mistake was in NBC’s approach and with DC’s ambivalence. Seeing Adrianne as Bobbi in AoS, confident with the how and why  she’s important to the storytelling, made all the difference in the world when it comes to her casting. She comes off likable, snarky, charming and believable as any one of the other characters on the show (I like her more than Skye but that’s because I see too much of myself in Skye) You can’t really judge a show by it’s pilot but it’s usually the measuring stick by which you decide how you’re going to spend your energy watching a show. Wonder Woman’s pilot was designed to fail from the get go and many of the write ups (which are googleable) pointed the finger of blame on Adrianne not looking the part; I contend she just felt wrong because the character, the plot, the pacing, the everything felt wrong. She wasn’t comfortable with what was eventually going to go down. Watching her now, she’s come into her own and seeing that made me ache for what could’ve been had she been given the right tools to be the Wonder Woman we wanted her to be, hell, for all we know, that show would’ve probably crushed AoS in ratings.

I wanted the Wonder Woman show to fly (invisible jet optional) the way that AoS does but at the same time, I can see how she  wasn’t ready, the time wasn’t right and the idea wasn’t fully realized. It also has to do with the respect level given to the character. There was no respect for Wonder Woman in a serial format and even less interest in making her someone with a dynamic background. As we get to know AoS Bobbi, I promise there will be nuanced layers and character building that makes you wonder if someone like her can be trusted, after all, she spent WAY too much time comfortably prowling the halls of Hydra HQ.

Marvel, as long as DC continues to drop the ball, will rectify their mistakes and see how they’ve got to stop alienating female fans and will continue to introduce characters into their standing media properties with rabid fangirl fan bases (I’m looking at you Kate Bishop and Carol Danvers….)

I see you bae

Katee Sackoff better be ready

While DC struggles to separate their much better handled TV properties (The Flash is that same knee slapping fun that Smallville started with)  from their shitshow film properties (Batman vs Superman vs Wallet), Marvel is quietly gobbling up all the potential actors and locking them into projects. Losing The Rock and Jason Mamoa to DC sucks but I am interested to see what they do with Black Adam and Aquaman but like anything, only time will tell how smart a move that was.

At 5’11, she would’ve made a fantastic Batwoman (yes because I want to see her with a cape, no because she could be kissing Renee Montoya) and now that she’s permanently out of DC’s wheelhouse (appeared in Smallville and the aborted Aquaman pilot) that’s not going to happen. Now that I’ve seen her as Bobbi, I don’t want her for anything else. I want her and Clint Barton to go and do cool spy shit together making Natasha snark all the way in the Heliojet about how they’re both punkasses even though everyone knows Nat isn’t a fan of heights. I want her to be just as tough as Melinda May (Ming-Na Wen) because I need more women who smirk while hitting someone on my television. I need her to get her respect because the kid really did get knocked around after Wonder Woman failed and she’s in turn gotten stronger from it. Isn’t that how we want all our heroes to be?

Scandal Premiere Live Watch

Sandy sunny beaches

a shameless shot of the upcoming book to movie Gone Girl

Olivia and Jake banging on the beach.

He’s all hairy and beard and I’m like….ayeeeeee

They’re making a dude deliver their shit like it’s Fresh Direct but for two people avoiding responsibilities the way we fantasize about that.

They’re in Zanzibar.

I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS REAL BUT IT’S REAL AND IT’S REAL.

Scandal is opening with an episode of Lost…its like AU Fanfiction gone wild.

OMG. Harrison was found. He’s dead and there go my dreams of handsome Harrison in suspenders.

They’re back, tan and rested in Washington, Jake promising they’re only here for a few days, in and out…like their sex session on the beach. Get It? SEX JOKE!

Olivia er Julia Baker is wandering the once former Pope offices which is a great stand in for creepy lofts and gardens.

OH FUCKING A IT’S QUINN.

She’s babbling about the red wine Olivia problem and the Fresh Delivery thing.

I WANT THE SHOW WHERE HUCK IS A GEEK SQUAD REP AT BEST BUY.

Grant is on the ill rage while whatsername is running the show. Ginger is running hard on this.

Mellie is in full blown college dropout mode. I LOVE HER.

Mellie is living la vida no fucks given in the worst fuck life pj set from Target.

HOLY FUCK IT’S PORTIA DE ROSI AND SHE’S GOT THE BIGGEST FUCKING LESBIAN HAIRCUT IT’S SO BIG AND FILLED WITH SECRETS.

Ok, So. Quinn in her all black long hair don’t care outfit is kinda doing something for me but fuck her cos she’s being a tit.

Abby has her reading glasses on, snapping away at Olivia because that’s what needs to be getting done.

All fights should be in the middle of Washington in full hearing of people who probably were like, the fuck these women fighting about? I love how Olivia did the epic hair spin.

Quinn, go home.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK: COME UP FOR AIR KIDS.

This show is amazing at getting characters to sound like human dictionaries, dropping lines like crazy.

DADDY POPE!!

Olivia knows wine the way we know mix tapes or movie lines. Terrible. I need more class.

Joe Morton is a miracle.

Fitz and Poppa Pope took out Momma Pope and you wonder why she’s so messed up…but you know he didn’t.

Cyrus is knew about the Olivia visit and he’s mad he wasn’t included in the ‘hey girl hey’ kiki party. He does’ want her anywhere NEAR the White House.

“Mellie is washing her hair.” I’m done. I’m done because I so much want to see if Mellie has a tumblr.

They’re having a deep discussion about the correct casket for Columbus Short’s career. I mean, Harrison.

Oh yes, mystery knocks and phones. Someone is needing not Olivia Pope’s help and as it turns out, someone’s dead. She sent an intern to do that.

Olivia has a job again, yay!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Here’s where we read all the hilarious Twitter commentary and wonder why none of us are in the same room at the same time.

Cy out here trying to buy people’s loyalty.

HOLY SHIT IT’S NAN FLANAGAN TRUBIES ENJOY!

Olivia ding dong ditched 911.

Huck being a super militant on his Best Buy Geek Squad policy. Olivia throwing the new iPhone 6 around…I am Randy the Smart Guy. She broke Huck, WHO IS GOING TO FIX HUCK?!

We’re in the cemetery with Mellie and Fitz. Mellie is wearing her favorite Uggs and big fluffy robe and I really just want to know what her Tumblr handle is.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Jake isn’t interested in talking about a dead old dude, he wants to talk about the sexing and the what nots.

She just monologued during the sex Jake was wanting. What a boner killing experience. I hope he’s got something he can fap to, blue balls can kill a man.

Jake is still rambling dirty pillow talk about riding and touching and now he’s gonna go check out Pornhub and finish Jake Time.

Ok so Seriously, QUINN I HAVE MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.

Cyrus needs someone to distract him, he’s so rumpled and sad and messy.

Oh of COURSE Fitz is asking for Olivia. Mellie is basically a character in Girl Interrupted but we’re just gonna pretend that they’re not going to be doing anything for the rest of the season.

The Senator Vaughn is fucking up her own SVU episode.

Olivia read the Senator and is gonna go update her FB status: BITCHES GOTSTA LEARN.

Quinn just said she’s finna go undercover and bust the creepy ring of creeps happening since she happens to look just like the girls who the dead Senator Sterling happened to be  a fan of.

Olivia asked the intern for  her phone, called Quinn, saw the intern called Vaughn and just like that, we have 15 minutes to solve the mystery of whether she’s going to stay in DC or not. SHIT.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

David and Abby putting their heads together about how she works for the Death Star while he’s being a creepy secret keeper. They both have weird code names: he’s Milhouse she’s Red. He has color coded files for how creepy people are. Guess what color Abby is. Red. CREEP.

Everyone is just reading everyone this episode. How does anyone remember their lines on this show.

Vaughn sold out brown eyed brown haired girls for his creepy sexual problems and Olivia wisely walks away, fresh out of fucks. That’s what you need. She’s at Harrison’s funeral and shockingly, no one else is there. Nope, here’s Quinn, all black errythang with Jake lurking in the back being weird.

OH cool, we get Harrison’s backstory over his coffin which is y’know how I like to talk about people, when they’re dead and can’t say nothing.

Nothing like a funeral to bring the family back together.

Sorry Columbus about your career n all. 

Oh good, Poppa Pope sitting there in a creepy car finding all the things out and driving off in the most not obvious car ever.

It looks a lot like you’re going to stay in DC for a little while longer Jolivia. Sorry.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Mellie is planning dramatic suicide jumps from the balcony.

I think she’s having a martini at 10 am. I want one and it’s 10pm.

Fitz why did you even say anything about Olivia being back? What is wrong with you you doofus? You and your messed up wife are just working out well with each other.

I’m really a fan of fuck you and this shit Mellie. She just told Fitz, that when he sees Olivia she’s going to be put on notice. She’s not about his sexy thing either. SHE JUST TOLD HIM SHE DOESNT EVEN WAX OR MAINTAIN THE BASEMENT. IT’S 1976 DOWN THERE. Mellie, let’s just be friends, let’s hate everyone together.

Jake is getting all fed up talking about dead people when he’s been trying to get his dick wet.

David was officially nominated as attorney general and Lizzie, er Portia, and her big hair aren’t happy about it at all.

Oh and Olivia is staying, she’s also going back to the office and getting her team back together because that’s what we’re here for.

Olivia is telling you to own that shit, you the real MVP.

She’s crossed paths with Fitz and of course it’s slowmo and they almost touch pinkies which as we all know, is the universal sign for, I WANNA TOUCH YOU N KISS YOU AND LOVE YOU.

They don’t.

And we’re in for a long season.