Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Fans rejoice! Principal photography has wrapped on Episode VII and the great minds behind one of the biggest franchises in the world unveiled the title to the next installment in the series.

 

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.

 

Wait.

 

What?

 

When we last saw our heroes, they were celebrating on Endor with the Ewoks (formerly cannibalistic teddy bears, seriously, they tried to eat Han Solo) Luke saw his father, Yoda and Obi Wan because he’d had too much punch and the saga seemed over. The good guys won, the Empire fell and everyone got turned up in the foreset.

 

Maybe that’s what they’re waking up from?

 

Can you imagine a Hangover style Star Wars movie?

 

EXT. DAY – FOREST OF ENDOR

We see the lush forest of ENDOR. Ewoks are tuckered out everywhere, the dying embers of their massive fires smoldering in the early daylight. One of them farts because even in a galaxy far far away farts are funny.

 

We see LUKE SKYWALKER doubled over, throwing up, HAN and LEIA nowhere to be seen.

 

He straightens up, avoiding stepping on their hosts as he walks around the forest floor, puzzled and queezy. He looks up at the sky, where the debris of the DEATH STAR looms.

 

Helluva night.

 

He hears HAN yelling for CHEWIE. He stumbles down the rickety steps from the treehouse, his shirt opened and pants falling down his knees.

 

HAN

Kid! You seen Chewie?

 

LUKE

(looking around)

Nope.

 

HAN

(fixing his clothes)

Oh man, CHEWIE! What the hell happened last night? These little hairballs can seriously party.

 

LUKE

Well, we did give them freedom from the Empire so…Where’s Leia?

 

HAN

(ignoring the question)

We have to find him.

 

LUKE

I’m sure he’s fine.

 

HAN

(Finally looking at Luke)

What happened to your face?

 

LUKE

What do you mean what happened to my face?

 

 

 

Naturally, the whole thing would de-evolve into a madcap quest around the galaxy to find a very drunk Chewbacca and Threepio stumbling around singing very vulgar Wookie bar songs while carrying Artoo like a mechanical keg. Maybe Lando Calrissian can be the Leslie Chow of it all.

 

We can all dream can’t we?

 

I’ll even recast everyone. Why not.

 

Episode VII opens December 2015

Carmilla: The Best Web Series You’re Not Watching

True Blood, Twilight, The Originals, The Vampire Diaries broody vampires, tired of being vampires get a second chance at love and life because they met someone who touches their humanity.

Mopey vampires were getting stale.

Then, there was the web series reimagining of the classic novella Carmilla.

Sure, she’s a mopey eternally gorgeous forever twenty something stuck in a college that seems to be the new home of weird shit since Sunnydale sank into the Hellmouth BUT the series is a little more than just another run of the mill vampire show. Each installment is an entry on Tiny Laura’s web blog where she documents her investigation into the mysterious disappearance of her roommate Betty and two other floor mates in Silas University. When the mysteriously hot and monosyllabic Carmilla moves into the dorm, Laura immediately goes into detective mode, suspicious of her new roomie’s habits, especially when it comes to stealing her favorite pillow. Clocking in at an average 3-6 minutes per episode (they launch new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday) the series introduces the characters from the novella as 21st Century women filled with snark and impeccable knowledge of Doctor Who (seriously, Tiny Laura’s favorite soda is Bad Wolf and she needs to drink everything from her beloved Tardis mug).

There are teams just like in the aforementioned series, Team Danny (Tall Ginger, alpha female leader of the presumably awesome Summer Society) Team Carmilla (who can say no to sultry eyes and broody face vampires) are obviously the most popular while the clearly married until they die couple of LaFerry captains itself. What’s most interesting about the character interaction is, despite the presence of males on campus, nearly all of the exploits are lead entirely outside of the need for guys; the Dimwit Squad (Danny, LaFontaine and Perry all ginger, all hilarious) manage to solve most of the mystery and handle the action themselves, despite the adorable pet name that Carmilla’s given them.

VerveGirlTV, the YouTube channel currently posting the series, has done a fantastic job of utilizing the cult of Carmilla to their advantage, executing consistent uploads of episodes, ancillary content, audience engagement and the recent integration of branding with, of all things, U by Kotex. Yes. A women’s brand dealing with a lady’s monthly is the brand partner with a show about women and a vampire. The production and creative teams easily and with hilariously awkward results, created extra content with the cast blatantly displaying their new partnership but in a way that still feels very much like the world the series has built.

Even more telling is how openly the cast and crew ship (support a relationship) the same sex partnerships that have sprung up on the show. Tiny Laura is at the center of a very tall triangle between Tall Gay Danny and Useless Lesbian Carmilla and all of it supported, courted and encouraged by the creative staff. Few shows have actively accepted and made canon a same sex couple straight out of the gate, many of them enjoy the slow burn and build up or even queerbait a coupling for ratings. The new media plan and it’s for us by us for all mentality has created a niche for strong LGBTQ storytelling online; Carmilla The Series is a big step in the direction of continued growth and success on a platform that doesn’t have to fit in the same box that traditional TV seems to obsessed with fitting into. It also doesn’t help that the entire cast is extremely appealing to look at.

Check out the playlist below:

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